The motherhood label

A while ago Hilla and I had a conversation with a friend, who was entering the last trimester of her pregnancy. Towards the end of the conversation, my sister mentioned to her that I was trained as a breastfeeding peer supporter and that I have a wealth of information about motherhood and its accompanying changes and paraphernalia (Apparently, I can't say if this is true or not! Personally I think I’m just making it up as I go a lot when Pinterest helps ;) )

Before she even finished the ​​sentence, our friend said: "I am not going to breastfeed!", so after my sister finished the rest of the sentence, out of curiosity I asked her why she has decided already she won't breastfeed.

Her reasoning was that for her 'pregnancy was a project' (she decided to got pregnant through a donor and IVF) and that she wants to go back to work ASAP, back to going out, being allowed to have a few alcoholic drinks, that she even has a lecture to present when she will be 9 months pregnant and so on...

All I said was 'never say never, and I do hope that it turns out like you think it will...'

A few hours later it struck me how naive her declaration sounded to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about breastfeeding/bottle feeding here. My thoughts were more in the direction of whether she realises she is about to have a baby in a few months’ time and how much of a life changing event that is.

Most women who have children will tell you that once that baby is out, suddenly on top of all the other 'labels' you have for yourself (single/wife/partner /businesswoman/receptionist/manager/ thin/fat/funny/grumpy and so on) stations itself the most responsibility charged, capital and bold lettered, super label of them all:

MOTHER

And I promise you, even if you wanted to forget it, the little darlings won't let you! Suddenly, what you want goes in second place to the wellbeing of your offspring and every decision you make involves thinking of how it will impact them as well.

Does this label define who we are? Does any label define who we are?

To a certain extent they do. When we identify with the label it becomes a part of our identity and when we want to make a change in our life we must first appreciate the change of circumstances and identity it will require from us.

For example, a person who wants to lose weight will find it extremely difficult until they stop thinking of themselves as 'fat' and start learning how to think like a 'thin' person.

I don't mean that you stop being other things, but in order to make the change successfully and easy - or be able to deal with changes that are imposed upon us whether we like it or not - we need to adapt ourselves, and learn new ways of thinking so that we can become the person we want to be, and keep the balance between all areas of our lives.

I'll be going into it in more depth in future posts as this is just scratching the surface.

But now back to my friend.

I hope that I misunderstood and that she has some idea of what she is getting into. Even if she doesn't, I know that sooner or later she will come to realise that this baby will rock her world and change it more than she can ever imagine... It won't stop her being herself, but will certainly demand some adjustments ;)

What do you think?​

Love,

Inbal

#identity #change #motherhood